Fear

For years now I have been "In Search Of" my purpose. My goal in life. My passion. Reading books, attending workshops of sorts, talking and listening to well versed family and friends and most recently traveled from the East Coast to the West Coast to attend a Celebrate Your Life Conference in Arizona. The conference itself was awe inspiring and one I will never forget. But thinking back to the trip I realized that the open arms I received while in Arizona was just as incredible as the conference itself. Memories all their own. From cousins that I don't get the opportunity to spend time with but once every few years, a friend that has remained in my life after moving to the West Coast well over 15 years ago, to strangers I met who made me feel like family. To each and every one of them I say "Thank You"!

I honestly thought that all of what I was doing would answer my question. I began to get discouraged when I came to realize no one can answer the question of "Who am I and What is my purpose". Who could possibly know who I am, what I have been thru, my every thought, feeling and emotion but me? They can help in the process by bringing you into tune with yourself, body, mind and spirit. AHA MOMENT! It is my own life book, my own workshop of experiences and listening to what my heart and mind have been trying to tell me all of my life. 

In doing so I have painstakingly come to admit that fear had taken hold of my life. Held me back from so many things. It had control over every decision I've ever made. Stopped me from being independent. Took away my what could have been. So now I am left with the "knowing" of myself and the truth behind my every thought. Fear. It's hard to admit that something that doesn't really exist except in my own mind has turned out to be just a false image of who I really am and could have been.

My new journey is to find a way to fight off these debilitating thoughts of fear and go for the gusto! Let go of my unconscious mind and follow my heart without fear or reservation. Sounds so easy on paper but I can see a long road ahead of me. Some will be tough, some sad, but in the end can only be rewarding to my true self and who I was born to be.